Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Want to know what safety is?
It’s not how I should be
locked indoors like some jewelry piece
I’m not and that’s a boring analogy
You’ll never know
but he misses the old days
when you seemed to love him so,
in your arms, he’d felt safe and protected.
You only see
“Oh, I am so ordinary.”
Is that what you see, right there in the mirror?
Can’t you be something more?
You think you know you.
That’s not what you do.
Have I put myself on exile for too long,
that solitude no longer feels wrong?
a vacant space without a vibrant soul.
I’m afraid to forget
when I’m back on my feet again
I’ll remember all you said
and how much you’d been a pain
I’ll remember what you put me through
I’ve learned a lot
just from your betrayal.
No wonder trust is expensive.
No point in calling me paranoid.
I’ve added more bricks to my wall,
You say it's just a talk,
like normal people making a conversation
It's part of being social,
despite the annual scrutiny and judgment
I hate how you make girls like me
feel stupid for believing so easily
everytime some guy shows an interest in me
Get a grip
I know you didn’t mean to see me through
It’s something you can’t help
and what you wish you never had
That was what you said that night
Say what you like,
do what you will
Let your words be the strike,
if you're in for the kill
Say what you mean,
Didn’t you hear me say ‘no’?
When you first asked me
to do what you wanted me to
and become whom you thought I should be,
I even declined politely
Once in a while,
It’s only a few steps away
just to get to you
yet it also feels like miles
perhaps even days
that I have to go through