A BALLADE OF AN ANTI-PURITAN

They spoke of Progress spiring round,

Of Light and Mrs. Humphry Ward —

It is not true to say I frowned,

Or ran about the room and roared;

I might have simply sat and snored —

I rose politely in the club

And said, “I feel a little bored;

Will someone take me to a pub?”

The new world's wisest did surround

Me; and it pains me to record

I did not think their views profound,

Or their conclusions well assured;

The simple life I can n't afford,

Besides, I do not like the grub —

I wait a mash and sausage, “scored” —

Will someone take me to a pub?

I know where Men can still be found,

Anger and clamorous accord,

And virtues growing from the ground,

And fellowship of beer and board,

And song, that is a sturdy cord.

And hope, that is a hardy shrub,

And goodness, that is God's last word —

Will someone take me to a pub?