A Funny Bunny Letter to Santa
Written 2025-11-22
Dear Santa,
Reporting live from the Magical Forest HQ —
it’s me, your favorite tiny bunny
with long ears, big feelings,
and a dramatic backstory no Netflix would risk filming.
So listen up.
Once upon a snowy Tuesday,
I had a boyfriend.
Yes, a boyfriend, Santa —
don’t act surprised.
His name was Andrii,
he had soft grey ears,
blue eyes like winter mornings,
and we looked so alike
people kept asking if we were printed
on the same bunny 3D-printer.
But then…
war dropped in like an unwanted software update,
and my bunny packed his tiny carrot backpack
and hopped straight to the Eastern Neighbor.
You know who.
The land of cold winds and colder decisions.
My mom said:
“Forget him.
If he hopped to Moscow-land —
he’s no bunny, he’s a traitor.”
My dad said nothing,
just hissed like a gentle family snake,
’cause, yes Santa, he technically is a snake.
Long story. Don’t judge.
Anyway — family drama level: legendary.
My parents grabbed me,
yeeted me to a neutral country,
told me,
“New life, new forest, new everything.”
And I was like:
“Cool, but can I still have a dad?”
Mom calls him “The Snake.”
I call him “My Snake,”
which somehow sounds worse,
but whatever.
I’m not scared of him.
Because deep inside he’s just
a very confused bunny
with scales.
So here’s my Christmas wishlist,
straight from a bunny with trauma, style,
and high expectations:
1. A pink Jeep.
Not toy size. Real size.
I drive emotionally, not legally.
2. A shockproof tablet
(I tend to drop things
when I’m feeling poetic).
3. An Oukitel phone
(battery life longer than my relationships).
4. Some fancy red fish —
salmon, whatever —
I’m not picky, I’m hungry.
And finally, Santa…
the big ask, the CEO-level request:
5. Let me see my dad.
For one moment.
One hug.
Because bunnies like me
don’t need much —
just warmth, Wi-Fi,
and their father’s arms.
So yeah.
Make it happen, Santa.
I believe in you like mom believes in gossip.
Sincerely,
Your dramatic forest daughter,
The Bunny Who Wants Her Dad