A STUDY IN THE “NOOD”

He was bare — we don’ t want to be rude —

( His condition was owing to drink )

They say his condition was nood,

Which amounts to the same thing, we think

( We mean his condition, we think,

’ Twas a naked condition, or nood,

Which amounts to the same thing, we think )

Uncovered he lay on the grass

That shrivelled and shrunk; and he stayed

Three hot summer days, while the glass

Was one hundred and ten in the shade.

( We nearly remarked that he laid,

But that was bad grammar we thought —

It does sound bucolic, we think

It smacks of the barnyard —

Of farming — of pullets in short. )

Unheeded he lay on the dirt;

Beside him a part of his dress,

A tattered and threadbare old shirt

Was raised as a flag of distress.

( On a stick, like a flag of distress —

Reversed — we mean that the tail-end was up

Half-mast — on a stick — an evident flag of distress. )

Perhaps in his dreams he persood

Bright visions of heav’ nly bliss;

And artists who study the nood

Never saw such a study as this.

The‘ luggage’ went by and the guard

Looked out and his eyes fell on Grice —

We fancy he looked at him hard,

We think that he looked at him twice.

They say ( if the telegram’ s true )

When he woke up he wondered ( good Lord! )

‘ Why the engine-man didn’ t heave to —

Why the train didn’ t take him aboard.’

And now, by the case of poor Grice,

We think that a daily express

Should travel with sunshades and ice,

And a lookout for flags of distress.