Balbus

I'll tell you the story of Balbus,

You know, him as builded a wall;

I'll tell you the reason he built it,

And the place where it happened an' all.

This 'ere Balbus, though only a Tackler,

Were the most enterprising of men;

He'd heard Chicken Farms were lucrative,

So he went out and purchased a hen.

'Twere a White Wyandot he called Mabel,

At laying she turned out a peach,

And her eggs being all double-yoked ones

He reckoned they'd fetch twopence each.

When he took them along to the market

And found that the eggs that sold best

Were them as came over from China

He were vexed, but in no ways depressed.

For Balbus, though only a Tackler,

In business were far from a dunce,

So he packed Mabel up in a basket

And started for China at once.

When he got there he took a small holding,

And selecting the sunniest part,

He lifted the lid of the basket

And said "Come on, lass… make a start!"

The 'en needed no second biddin',

She sat down and started to lay;

She'd been saving up all the way over

And laid sixteen eggs, straight away.

When the Chinamen heard what had happened

Their cheeks went the colour of mud,

They said it were sheer mass production

As had to be nipped in the bud.

They formed themselves in a committee

And tried to arrive at some course

Whereby they could limit the output

Without doing harm to the source.

At the finish they came to t' conclusion

That the easiest road they could take

Were to fill the 'en's nest up wi' scrap-iron

So as fast as she laid eggs they'd break.

When Balbus went out the next morning

To fetch the eggs Mabel had laid

He found nowt but shells and albumen

He were hipped, but in no ways dismayed.

For Balbus, though only a Tackler,

He'd a brain that were fertile and quick

He bought all the scrap-iron in t' district

To stop them repeating the trick.

But next day, to his great consternation

He were met with another reverse,

For instead of old iron they'd used clinker

And the eggs looked the same, or worse.

'Twere a bit of a set-back for Balbus,

But he wasn't downhearted at all,

And when t' Chinamen came round next evening

They found he were building a wall.

"That won't keep us out of your 'en 'ouse"

Said one, with a smug kind of grin;

It's not for that purpose," said Balbus,

"When it's done, it will keep you lot in."

The Chinamen all burst out laffing,

They thowt as he'd gone proper daft

But Balbus got on wi' his building

And said "He laffed last who last laffed."

Day by day Balbus stuck to his building,

And his efforts he never did cease

Till he'd builded the Great Wall of China

So as Mabel could lay eggs in peace.