BILL

At Modder, where I met‘ im fust,

I thought as‘ ow ole Bill was dead;

A splinter, from a shell wot bust,

‘ Ad fetched‘ im somewheres in the‘ ead;

But there! It takes a deal to kill

Them thick-thatched sort o’ blokes like Bill.

In the field -‘ orspital, nex’ day,

The doctors was a-makin’ out

The‘ casualty returns,’ an’ they

Comes up an’ pulls ole Bill about;

Ole Colonel Wilks,‘ e turns to me,

‘ Report this “dangerous,"’ sez‘ e.

But Bill,‘ oo must‘ ave‘ eard it too,

‘ E calls the doctor, quick as thought:

‘ I'd take it kindly, sir, if you

‘ Could keep me out o’ the report.

‘ For tho’ I'm‘ it, an’‘ it severe,

‘ I does n't want my friends to‘ ear.

‘ I've a ole mother,‘ way in Kent,

‘'Oo thinks the very world o’ me;

‘ I'd thank you if I was n't sent

‘ As “wounded dangerous,"’ sez‘ e;

‘ For if she‘ ears I'm badly hit,

‘ I lay she wo n't get over it.

‘ At Landman's Drift she lost a lad

‘ ( With the th‘ Ussars‘ e fell ),

‘ Poor soul, she'd take it mighty bad

‘ To think o’ losin’ me as well;

‘ So please, sir, if it's hall the same,

‘ I'd ask you not to send my name.’

The Colonel bloke‘ e thinks a bit,

‘ Oh, well,’ sez‘ e,‘ per'aps you're right.

‘ And, now I come to look at it,

‘ I'll send you in as “scalp-wound, slight.”

‘ O’ course it's wrong of me, but still —’

‘ Gawd bless you, sir, an’ thanks!’ sez Bill.

‘ E did n't die;‘ e scrambled through.

They hoperated on‘ is‘ ead,

An’ Gawd knows wot they did n't do,—

‘ Tripoded’‘ im, I think they said.

I see'd‘ im, Toosday, in Pall Mall,

Nor never knowed‘ im look so well.

Yes, Bill‘ e's going strong just now,

In London, an’ employed again;

Tho’ it's a fact,‘ e sez, as‘ ow

The doctors took out‘ alf‘ is brain!

Ho well,‘ e wo n't‘ ave need o’ this —

‘ E's working at the War Office.