Henry The Seventh

Henry the Seventh of England

Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer,

The only connection of which he could boast,

He were King's nephew's brother-in-law.

It were after the Wars of the Roses

That he came to the front, as it were,

When on strength of his having slain Richard the Third

He put himself up as his heir.

T'were a bit of a blow to the Barons

When Henry aspired to the Throne,

And some who'd been nursing imperial hopes

Started pushing out claims of their own.

But they didn't get far with their scheming,

For the moment the matter were pressed

A stroke of the pen took them off to the Tower,

Where a stroke of the axe did the rest.

A feller they called Perkin Warbeck

Was the one who led Henry a dance,

To make sure that nowt awkward should happen to him

He worked from an office in France.

He claimed to be one of the Princes

As were smothered to death in the Tower.

His tale was that only his brother was killed

And that he had escaped the seas ower.

Henry knew the appeal of the Princes

Was a strong one for Perkin to make,

And he reckoned he'd best have a chat with the lad

And find out the least he would take.

In reply to his kind invitation

Perkin said he'd he happy to call,

But he'd bring his own escort of ten thousand men

And a hundred pipers an' all.

This reply put the King in a passion

He swore as he'd stop Perkin's fun,

Then he offered a fortune per annum to him

As could tell him how his could be done.

Then up spoke the bold Lambert Simne

The King's private scullion he were,

He said: "Just one word in thy ear 'ole, O King,

I've a plan as will stop all this 'ere."

Then he took the King up in a corner,

Where no one could hear what they said,

He hadn't got far when King started to laff

And he laffed till he had to be bled.

T 'were a plan to anticipate Perkin,

By getting in first with these tales,

Start another rebellion before he arrived

And take the wind out of his sails.

And so Lambert Simnel's rebellion

Made its fateful debut in the North

Experts disagree who he made out to be,

John the Second or Richard the Fourth.

T 'was surprising how many believed him

They flocked to his flag like one man,

For in them days the folk would do owt for a change,

And their motto was, " San fairy ann."

It were quite a success this rebellion

Till t'were routed by Henry at Stoke,

And Lambert were taken and made to confess

That his parents was working class folk.

The public forgave this deception,

The thing that made them proper mad,

Was a twopenny increase on every one's rates

To pay for the fun they had had.

And so when Peter Warbeck came over

Expecting his praise to be sung,

He was greeted, defeated, escheated, unseated,

Maltreated and finally hung.

And the Baron went back to his castle,

The Peasant went back to his herd,

Lambert Simnel went back to his scullion's job

Because Henry went back on his word.