How Herman Won The Cross

Once in a blue eternity they gave us

    dabs of rum

To close the seams 'n' keep the flume in

    liquor-tight condition;

But, soft 'n' sentimental, when the long, cold

    evenin's come,

I'd dream me nibs was dronking' to the height

    of his ambition,

With rights of suction over all the breweries

    there are,

Where barrels squat, like Brahma gods, in

    Mother Hardy's bar.

I had me fit of longin' on the night the Ger-

    mans came,

All breathin' lioke a gas attack. The air

    was halcholic.

We smelt 'em in the darkness, 'n' our rage

    went up in flame.

It was envy, squealin' envy, put the ginger

    in the frolic.

We shot 'em full of spelter, then went over it

    to spite

The swines what drunk the liquor that was

    ours by common right.

“If this ain't stopped, 'n' quick,” sez we,

    “there won't be left a drop

To celebrate the vict'ry when we capture

    their position.”

I'm prowlin' blind, when sharp there comes a

    fond, familiar plop-

Swung round a post, a German in a pitiful

    condition

Looms over me. He's sprung a cork, and

    shales a flask on high,

'N' sings of beer that touchin' it would make

    a butcher cry.

Sez he: “Berloffed kamarid, you haf some

    drinks mit you.”

I meant to spike him where he waved,

    but altered me intention.

'N' “If you put it thus,” sez I, “I don't

    care if I do.”

We had a drink together. There's a tem-

    por'y suspension

Of hostilities to sample contraband 'n' other

    stuff

In the enemy's possession. Which I think

    he's had enough.

That Hun had thirty pockets, 'n' he'd stowed

    a flask in each,

'N' presently I'm thinkin' I could love him

    like a brother.

He's talkin' fond 'n' friendly in outlandish

    parts of speech.

“You're prisoner of war,” I sez; 'n' then

    we had another.

Ten flasks he pours into his hat, 'n' fills it

    to the brim,

'N' weeps 'n' sez his frau she will be waitin'

    up for him.

We drink each other's health, 'n' know no

    henmity nor fear.

I see I've got to pinch him, but he's out to

    do his div. in,

'N' don't care if he don't go home till day-

    light doth appear.

Sez he: “I pud you home to bed upside dot

    'ouse you live in.”

He shakes his finger in me eye: “Mein friendt,

    you're preddy trunk!”

Then arm in arm through No Man's land we

    does a social bunk.

There's Fear afoot. Comes more than once

    the glug of sudden death.

We're rockin' fine 'n' careless where the

    rifle fire is breakin',

'N' singin' most uproar'ous, in the bomb's

    disgustin' breath,

Of girls, 'n' drink, 'n' cheerful sprees, 'n'

    'Herman thinks he's takin'

A cobber home to somewhere in an subbub

    damp 'n' dim,

Whereas I know fer certain it is me is takin'

    him.

Somehow, sometime, I lands him where he's

    safely put to bed.

I wake nex' day, 'n' holy smoke! I'm pri-

    soner with the German.

Me mouth is like an ashpan, there's hot fish-

    bolts in me head,

'N' through the barb-wire peerin' is me

    foreigh cobber 'Erman.

“Ve capdure each lasd nighd,” sez he “you

    home haf bring me, boss.”

For bravery in takin' me, he got the Iron

    Cross!