“I am Sir Oracle, and when I ope my lips let no dog bark!”

Old Dan'l Hanks he says this town

Is jest the best on earth;

He says there ai n't one, up nor down,

That's got one half her worth;

He says there ai n't no other state

That's good as ourn, nor near;

And all the folks that's good and great

Is settled right‘ round here.

Says I “D'jer ever travel, Dan?”

“You bet I ai n't!” says he;

“I tell you what! the place I've got

Is good enough fer me!”

He says the other party's fools,

‘ Cause they do n't vote his way;

He says the “feeble-minded schools”

Is where they ought ter stay;

If he was law their mouths he'd shut,

Or blow‘ em all ter smash;

He says their platform's nawthin’ but

A great big mess of trash.

Says I, “D'jer ever read it, Dan?”

“You bet I ai n't!” says he;

“And when I do; well, I tell you,

I'll let you know, by gee!”

He says that all religion's wrong

‘ Cept jest what he believes;

He says them ministers belong

In jail, the same as thieves;

He says they take the blessed Word

And tear it all ter shreds;

He says their preachin's jest absurd;

They're simply leatherheads.

Says I, “D'jer ever hear‘ em, Dan?”

“You bet I ai n't!” says he;

“I'd never go ter hear‘ em; no;

They make me sick ter see!”

Some fellers reckon, more or less,

Before they speak their mind,

And sometimes calkerlate or guess,—

But them ai n't Dan'l' s kind.

The Lord knows all things, great or small,

With doubt he's never vexed;

He, in his wisdom, knows it all,—

But Dan'l Hanks comes next.

Says I, “How d’ yer know you're right?”

“How do I know?” says he;

“Well, now, I vum! I know, by gum!

I'm right because I be!”