If I Were In Charge of the World

If I were in charge of the world

I'd cancel oatmeal,

Monday mornings,

Allergy shots, and also Sara Steinberg.

If I were in charge of the world

There'd be brighter nights lights,

Healthier hamsters, and

Basketball baskets forty eight inches lower.

If I were in charge of the world

You wouldn't have lonely.

You wouldn't have clean.

You wouldn't have bedtimes.

Or "Don't punch your sister."

You wouldn't even have sisters.

If I were in charge of the world

A chocolate sundae with whipped cream and nuts would be a vegetable

All 007 movies would be G,

And a person who sometimes forgot to brush,

And sometimes forgot to flush,

Would still be allowed to be

In charge of the world.