MILTON

O swallow-tailed purveyor of college sprees,

O skilled to please the student fraternity,

Most honoured publican of Scotland,

Milton, a name to adorn the Cross Keys;

Whose chosen waiters, Samuel, Archibald,

Helped by the boots and marker at billiards,

Wait, as the smoke-filled, crowded chamber

Rings to the roar of a Gaelic chorus —

Me rather all those temperance hostelries,

The soda siphon fizzily murmuring,

And lime fruit juice and seltzer water

Charm, as a wanderer out in South Street,

Where some recruiting, eager Blue-Ribbonites

Spied me afar and caught by the Post Office,

And crimson-nosed the latest convert

Fastened the odious badge upon me.