PENN

When William Penn appeared before King Charles

To get the charter of his Promised Land

In Pennsylvaniá,

’ Twas in his usual free-and-easy style,

With hands in pockets and his hat on side —

Singing Lard-dardy day!

Let us drink and be merry, laugh, sing, and rejoice,

With claret and sherry, theorbo and voice,

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!

King Charles at once removed his feathered tile.

“Keep on your hat, young man!” said William Penn,

“It is our Quaker way;

And people will not know that you are bald;

Be quite at home to make your guests at home —

Singing Lard-dardy day!

This changeable world to our joys is unjust,

All treasure’ s uncertain, so down with your dust,

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

“It is the custom here,” the King replied,

“For only one to cover at a time;

This is the courtly way.”

“Then you should have more covers,” warbled Penn.

“Warm people’ s heads to make them merry men —

Singing Lard-dardy day!

And in frolics dispose of your shillings and pence,

Since we all shall be past it a hundred years hence,

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!

“’ Tis a queer world, and faith! I do not lay

My hat around, loose, in a domicile

Where I don’ t know the way,

Unless some party gives a check for it;

I’ ve travelled some — I have — and can’ t be bit —

Singing Lard-dardy day!

Since, despite your invention, and learning, and sense,

You’ ll be non est inventus a hundred years hence,

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

“Odds-fish!” exclaimed his Royal Majesty,

“He talks full well, but as it seems to me,

According to our way,

There’ s a tremendous pig in this same Penn.”

“Bravo, young man!” said William; “try again —

Singing Lard-dardy day!

You have brought me a terrible one on the nob,

But I bear you no malice, not being a snob,

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

And thus it is that history is writ,

And thus it is good men are slandered sore

From ever till to-day.

Some writer pastes a joke; it may remain

Safe in a corner from Time’ s wind and rain

Till Time has rolled away.

So, hurrah for King Charles! and hurrah, too, for Penn!

And all such and similar excellent men!

Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!