SONNET WROTE WHILST RETROSPECTIVELY CONTEMPLATIN’ MY FIRST CIGAR

By Nixon Waterman

Oh, woe is me! and other things like that!

Yestreen I soughtst to smoke my first cigar:

It gav'st my system a tremendous jar!

I didst not have the gumption of a gnat.

All night I couldst not tell where I wast at.

I wish I knew just what those cheap smokes are;

It seem'st to me they're made of glue and tar.

Ah, me! I'm weaker than a half-starved cat.

Oh, let them smoke henceforth, say'st I, who will,

For who am I that I shouldst dare condemn

Their vile tobacco? I have hadst my fill:

Let others have it; I sha'n' tst envy them,

For I'llst not never smoke no more until

I'm ten times older than Mathusalem!