“TAKIN’ BOARDERS”

We'd never thought of takin’‘ em,—‘ t was Mary Ann's idee,—

Sence she got back from boardin’ - school she's called herself “Maree”

An’ scattered city notions like a tom-cat sheds his fur.

She thought our old melodeon wa'n' t good enough fer her,

An’ them pianners cost so that she said the only way

Was ter take in summer boarders till we‘ d made enough to pay;

So she wrote advertisements out to fetch‘ em inter camp,

An’ now there's boarders thicker here than June bugs round a lamp.

Our best front parlor'll jest be sp'iled; they h'ist up every shade

An’ open all the blinds, by gum! an’ let the carpet fade.

They're in there week days jest the same as Sunday; I declare,

I really think our haircloth set is showin’ signs o’ wear!

They set up ha'f the night an’ sing,— no use ter try ter sleep,

With them a-askin’ folks ter “Dig a grave both wide an’ deep,”

An’ “Who will smoke my mashum pipe?” By gee! I tell yer what:

If they want me to dig their graves, I'd jest as soon as not!

There ai n't no comfort now at meals; I can n't take off my coat,

Nor use my knife to eat, nor tie my napkin‘ round my throat,

Nor drink out of my sasser. Gosh! I hardly draw my breath

‘ Thout Mary Ann a-tellin’ me she's “mortified to death!”

Before they came our breakfast time was allus ha'f-past six;

By thunderation!‘ t would n't do; you'd orter hear the kicks!

So jest to suit‘ em‘ t was put off till sometime arter eight,

An’ when a chap gits up at four that's mighty long ter wait.