THE AUTOMOBILE

Pall Mall was a sober and dignified street

In the days ( say ) of Dickens or Marryat,

Where statesmen their peers would with courtesy greet,

Where the senator sauntered on leisurely feet,

And the dowager drove in her chariot.

The War Office entries

Were guarded by sentries;

But Mars was polite to the Graces,

And officers’ mothers,

Their sisters, and others,

Called daily on those in high places,

Demanding, with true patriotic devotion,

Their sons’ ( or their brothers’ ) more rapid promotion!

Times changed. The old War Office warren was scrapped,

And this suitable site was selected

By motorists, goggled, befurred, and peak-capped,

As a central position excessively apt

For the Palace of Fun they erected.

In place of old quiet

Came racket and riot,

As cars at the club kept arriving,

Or p'licemen in torrents

Poured in, to serve warrants

On members for‘ furious driving’;

Where amateur chauffeurs, resolved to be jolly,

Were drowning dull care in a‘ Petrol and Polly’!

For those who enjoy fellow-men in the bunch

This is really a fine place of meeting;

For here in a crowd men may guzzle and munch

( Though the orchestra makes such a noise while they lunch

That the members can n't hear themselves eating ).

Here thousands forgather,

To feed and to blather —

Each day brings a fresh reinforcement —

And tell ( with a dry sense

Of fun ) how their licence

Got marked with its latest endorsement,

Or how many yokels and dogs they ran over

The day that they fractured the‘ record’ to Dover!