THE BAFFLED GRUMBLER.

Whene'er I poke

Sarcastic joke

Replete with malice spiteful,

The people vile

Politely smile

And vote me quite delightful!

Now, when a wight

Sits up all night

Ill-natured jokes devising,

And all his wiles

Are met with smiles,

It's hard, there's no disguising!

Oh, do n't the days seem lank and long

When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,

And is n't your life extremely flat

With nothing whatever to grumble at!

When German bands

From music stands

Play Wagner imperfectly —

I bid them go —

They do n't say no,

But off they trot directly!

The organ boys

They stop their noise

With readiness surprising,

And grinning herds

Of hurdy-gurds

Retire apologizing!

Oh, do n't the days seem lank and long

When all goes right and nothing goes wrong,

And is n't your life extremely flat

With nothing whatever to grumble at!

I've offered gold,

In sums untold,

To all who'd contradict me —

I've said I'd pay

A pound a day

To any one who kicked me —

I've bribed with toys

Great vulgar boys

To utter something spiteful,

But, bless you, no!

They will be so

Confoundedly politeful!

In short, these aggravating lads

They tickle my tastes, they feed my fads,

They give me this and they give me that,

And I've nothing whatever to grumble at!