THE PARISH PUMP

The pedagogue his desk may thump

And lecture, with a skill profound,

On Parliaments called‘ Long’ or‘ Rump,’

On Scone ( where Scottish kings were crowned );

On butts of Malmsey wine which drowned

The Prince who chanced therein to jump;

On Richard, Gloucester's Duke, renowned

For having a perpetual‘ hump’;

On Runnymede's immoral clump,

Where poor King John was run to ground

And signed the Charter ( on a stump )

Whereon our liberties we found;

On Windsor, where, with horse and hound,

The eighth King Henry grew so plump,

And where the doleful courtiers frowned

When George the Third went off his chump!

Such facts I simply cannot lump,

Preferring greatly to expound

The tale of how Sir Joseph Crump

Expended many a well-earned pound

( No better Mayor was ever found,

Although his lady is a frump! )

On giving Mugley-on-the-Mound

A presentation Parish Pump.

Then beat the tabor, blow the trump!

Let welkins with your shouts resound!

The cause of Empire cannot slump

While noble deeds like this abound!

Go, children, pass the story round

Of how the head of Crump and Comp:

( Whose enemies may Fate confound! )

Supplied the Parish with a Pump!