The Spinning-House of the Future

Without my dinner here I lie,

And all because that proctor

With her stout bull-dogs passed, and I

Mocked her.

For Clara is at Girton too,

That dragon is her tutor,

I threatened once what I would do,

Shoot her.

Her life by Clara's tears was saved,

Wherefore she doth detest me,

And hither hungry and unshaved

Pressed me.

I would that I could have commenced

An action‘ gainst that devil,

Like that once brought by Kemp against

Neville.

To her I owe the statute framed

That one against it sinning

Should dwell within the house that's named

Spinning.

Ah me! it runs in sections three:

Who speaks to Girton student

Is fined to teach him how to be

Prudent.

Who loves a Girton girl must do

Twelve months on bread and water,

From a digestive point of view

Slaughter.

Who kisses her commits a crime

By hanging expiated,

And she in tears must spend her time

Gated.

Would that at Oxford I had been,

At Balliol or at Merton,

And then I never should have seen

Girton.

Go down I must, no more shall I

And Clara cross the same bridge;

Still, Granta, art thou her and my

Cambridge.

Some day on this her eyes may light,

This doggerel stiff and jointless,

And she may own it is not quite

Pointless.