THEY'LL NONE OF‘ EM BE MISSED.

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

I've got a little list — I've got a little list

Of social offenders who might well be underground,

And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!

There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs —

All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs —

All children who are up in dates, and floor you with‘ em flat —

All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that —

And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist —

They'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of‘ em be missed!

There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race,

And the piano organist — I've got him on the list!

And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,

They never would be missed — they never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,

All centuries but this, and every country but his own;

And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,

And who does n't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try;

And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist —

I do n't think she'd be missed — I'm sure she'd not be missed!

And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,

The Judicial humorist — I've got him on the list!

All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life —

They'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of them be missed.

And apologetic statesmen of the compromising kind,

Such as — What-d'ye-call-him — Thing'em-Bob, and likewise — Never-mind,

And‘ St —‘ st —‘ st — and What's-his-name, and also — You-know-who —

( The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you! )

But it really does n't matter whom you put upon the list,

For they'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of‘ em be missed!