TO A PUBLISHER

My dear Sir,—

In the whole round

Of animated nature

I am acquainted

With nothing or nobody

Who is, generally speaking,

So gay, gaudy, and interesting

As yourself.

From my youth up

I have been taught to look upon a publisher

As a very great person indeed.

When I was young and courted him

He it was drew from me

( As morn from Memnon )

Rivers of melody;

The which, however,

He took good care

Not to glorify with his imprimatur.

In those days

I looked upon publishing as a trade

And poetry as a profession.

Recently I have become wise,

And I feel in the heart of me

That publishing is a profession

And poetry a trade.

In spite of all that has been said to the contrary,

Barabbas

Certainly was not a publisher.

I have not had time to look him up,

But I feel quite sure

That he was not a professional man.

Besides,

If he was a publisher,

Why did he not publish something?

Echo and the Publishers’ Association

No doubt answer

“Why?”

I sometimes think I should like to be a publisher myself.

It must be rather nice

To know for a fact

How many copies

Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so

Really do sell,

And how many “A second large edition”

And “Tenth impression”

Really mean.

It must be rather nice, also,

To go off to Switzerland every year

( With your wife )

To attend the Publishers’ Conference.

It must be rather nice, too,

To know of a surety

That when an author is making money

Some publisher or other

Is making just as much,

And not infrequently a trifle more,

On the same work.

We have learnt of late

Greatly to our disgust

That when a publisher dies rich

He has made his money out of Apollinaris.

This is hard on authors,

Who, between ourselves,

Are not by any means bad people,

And invariably take a kindly interest

In their publishers’ welfare.

On the other hand,

You must admit, sir,

That a publisher seldom goes bankrupt,

And does not as a rule sleep

Under his own counter.

Once

I lent a publisher half a crown.

He paid it back.

The average author would have taken it

As money earned.

So that, on the whole,

I am inclined to like publishers,

And to set them down in my tablets

For

Useful persons.