Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
A house, a family
Material things
Everything’s lovely
All the joy they bring
Will they always represent ‘home’?
I'm denying my natural rights to fall apart
This world always demands a fight
with all my might
I don't always know
the next levels I should go
The crowd has never looked so treacherous.
Nobody’s being serious
when it comes to dealing with the virus.
They simply group,
like hopeful fans for some photoshoots,
I had to leave you
behind me, before 2023
My messages have gone unreplied
You were probably busy
and I chose to be kind
by not accusing you of pure ignorance
You travel wherever you like,
leaving your trails of mess behind
I bet you have more than a bite
enough to clear your mind
Someone’s rights you still hold
Sssh...
Hear the silence.
Listen.
You may not have before
Too busy talking
delivering demands
Being the first in line
doesn’t mean it’s always fine
You’re not always the priority
left to just wait and see
I’m not bitter
Another year gone by
left without questions why
The same old rituals
the familiar matters
The same old, mundane conversation
You can never stop time
but there’s an illusion of a pause
Turn off the phone
Close all the windows
Lock all your doors
Lie down
Oh, yes
I mind my own business
I do hang out with the boys
It's all my personal choice
but I'm no prissy princess
I’d like to call your bluff
after you’ve implied I wasn’t good enough
even after all I’ve done
Everybody’s replacable
at some point, inevitable
I’m just a number,
not a person,
at least according to them.
If I die as the only one,
then it doesn’t matter.
I’m just a dot in their statistics.