Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
The dawn isn’t close enough,
yet I am jolted awake
from a dream that felt
like a time machine,
throwing me back to the past, so mean.
No more magic?
Why vacant as it is?
Who took all of it?
Nothing to pick.
Dementors have resided,
He bares his straight, white teeth for a smile
as he greets me with his shy “Hello”,
while I politely nod as I go.
His dark complexion slightly glistens
under the Jakarta morning sun.
How do you know you’re not missed?
Try to walk away and disappear
Who’s going to reach out to you?
Seriously, who?
You’re probably offended
We can still see each other,
thanks to the webcam on our computers
or hear each other on our phones.
Still,
some things are irreplacable.
I am way past that envy
or that so-called jealousy.
Just a silent observer
to the oblivious or ignorant
to the fact that we’re all different
and the universe always has a way
I’d like to call your bluff
after you’ve implied I wasn’t good enough
even after all I’ve done
Everybody’s replacable
at some point, inevitable
How do I stop caring for you,
after those years of closeness?
How do you go from warm to cold?
Are those elements of indifference you now hold?
How did you do that?
How do I let you go?
They wonder if I’m in denial.
I’m not putting up on a show,
just you – on a pedestal.
I was glad to see you that night.
How do we get to be this estranged?
We’re all the same
treating each other differently
instead of trying to understand
without too much judgment
You will know that I love you
even when I don’t say it
not even out loud
or even when I’m still way too proud
That fact, I have to admit
I still own it
Oh, I never thought
that pretty petite puppet
could stab me in the back
an innocent audience
fascinated by her one little show
