Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
There’s still that hailstorm in my heart
The ice is solid
a perfect, although temporary patch
to fill the holes in its walls
I’m feeling cold
I think my heart’s been beyond broken
by Israeli Zionists’ atrocities.
I want freedom in Palestine,
so there’ll be no more misery.
No highlights for 2023.
Are you ready
to be what you’ve always wanted
like dreams inside your head
instead of nightmares causing dread?
Advice?
More of them?
Truth or lies?
Should I give a damn?
I understand
A night when we cross paths
a blast from the past
the way you look at me
full of familiarity
I know you’re still curious
I’m not arrogant
I’ve been adjusted to being alone
solving problems on my own
afraid to be (too) dependent
the moment I start asking
for your assistance
You use your bitter past
to ensure their hopes won’t last.
“Be realistic,”
that’s what you always say
making sure your message sticks.
I sometimes fall asleep
and find myself there again
back to the same quiet streets
and my two best friends
I miss those peaceful streets
This ain’t no desperation
I’m just contemplating
weighing my options
seriously considering
Yes, we don’t get to choose
You’ll never know
but he misses the old days
when you seemed to love him so,
in your arms, he’d felt safe and protected.
You only see
Bright lights, late at night
from the city streets so quiet
He woke up in a daze
with blood on his face
his memories erased.
They say falling in love is like this:
You think of them and cannot breathe
A day without them, what you’d rather miss
Love and longing, what you continue to bleed
They say heartache means to suffocate
