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STILL...VIEW

The 6am view from the bedroom, leads my eyes to quiet graves by sunrise.

Frantic thoughts and heart and panic attacks.

Rest my soul, my spirit, my mind, my heart, my life.

Let go of results, success, achievement, fame.

Be still with the spreading of WAX, punching in data, the baking of cookies.

Take note of my daughter's morning kiss, my husband's sacrifice, the doctor's empathy, the sunshine and my father's perfume gift.

Erin McGee Ferrell

GoldFishCracker

Sitting close on the couch, she offered the toddler on my lap a cracker.

This child wanted nothing more than to cling to me afraid of the stranger.

We both knew it had been too long.

No Acholi first WORDS.

A grandmother unrecognised.

"Please bring her here tomorrow too. I need her to know me."

Erin McGee Ferrell

Bag Of Chips

Today, I bought a bag of chips.

Not veggie or healthy but the real thing.

March is hanging on.

I'm loving the fight for sanity till spring. So good all winter with exercise and Vitamin D, thinking positive thoughts and trying to embrace the suck.

My strength is breaking; fortitude melting.

No green in sight.

Erin McGee Ferrell

Sitting In The Car After Cancer Surgery

Head Hurts.

Jaw Hurts.

My Sinuses Hurt.

My Brain Feels Tuned.

My Eyes Feel Tired.

My Emotions Are All Used Up.

Erin McGee Ferrell

The First Day Of #SPRING

Bright sun on all snow land.

Windows still closed but lighter jacket on.

So much waiting.

So much changing.

New ventures.

Same challenges as always.

Erin McGee Ferrell

October SAD

Cool, quiet and sad.

Getting ready for winter seclusion.

Aloneness.

Imprisoned by cold.

A moat of ice surrounding this tone castle.

My prince yelling at me and ordering me to love this dark and frozen season.

Erin McGee Ferrell

Moving The TV Behind Me

With my mother's gift, I can move the big TV behind me.

"It's a Fire Stick from Amazon", she said.

So, taking the once believed worthless 40" monitor, I set myself in the study to work on bills.

Next, I lean the screen against the kitchen radiator to watch Netflix as I cook dinner.

Yesterday, "Little House On The Prairie Christmas" keep me company as I mixed flesh tones in the Art studio.

Nate asked if the TV will follow me all winter.

Erin McGee Ferrell

PREPARATION

I have 10 days to prepare for the journey.

Double Mastectomy, 6 weeks limited arm us , possible Chemo.

Lord, help me to know how to do this.

My studio as a happy place to maybe paint with my feet.

Christmas decorated and wrapped.

Bills paid and blogs posted.

Erin McGee Ferrell

Transplanting Gardens

Yesterday I transplanted bits of my garden from NJ to MAINE.

HYDRANGEA, PEONY, BLACKBERRY VINE, CORAL BELLS, RHUBARB.

Dead looking bulbs come out of wet plastic bags that Lee and Camille lovingly packed.

Int. MAINE soil on a lovely warm November day.

Will these bulbs take root?

Will my clippings adapt and adopt this foreign strange soil?

Erin McGee Ferrell

Hot-Dogs & Beer

ICE Cold Beer with a hot-dog smothered in mustard, ketchup, onions and kraut.

National Hebrew Kosher steamed from Costco.

Hot day with chips on the side.

Sliced cold watermelon.

Too much of a good thing gets old.

Erin McGee Ferrell

PREPARATION

I have 10 days to prepare for the journey.

Double Mastectomy, 6 weeks limited arm us , possible Chemo.

Lord, help me to know how to do this.

My studio as a happy place to maybe paint with my feet.

Christmas decorated and wrapped.

Bills paid and blogs posted.

Erin McGee Ferrell

Couldn't Help Crying

Today, each time I sat in front of a nurse, I cried.

I cried when she asked me to pee in a cup.

I cried when she asked me to confirm my name.

I cried when she asked me to take off my coat.

I cried at this day and how I so wish I wasn't there.

Erin McGee Ferrell