Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Another episode
an inner push to an automatic mode
a buzzing chainsaw in my ears
My vision wasn’t crystal-clear
It was the same old alien
It’s true, I guess
Ignorance is bliss
Your life is perfect
How come they don’t get that?
Why is it always bad?
I can write
about all the things
I find alright
I’ll let you think
this is about you
They said I should’ve stayed longer
Perhaps it’s true
You’ve made me feel better
I owe it all to you
It’s the place where I could be
I’m not looking for romance
I don’t even want to dance
still unsure with you,
‘though you seem honest and true
I don’t know
I know you didn’t mean to see me through
It’s something you can’t help
and what you wish you never had
“Have patience.”
That was what you said that night
Sometimes a soul wanders
to find somewhere safer
not in the shape of a building
a house full of material things
A soul can fear a mirror
Let’s just face it:
There’s no such thing as unconditional love.
Either Billy Joel or Bruno Mars –
or perhaps some who do the cover versions,
somebody must be lying when they sing:
“Just the way you are.”
I'm denying my natural rights to fall apart
This world always demands a fight
with all my might
I don't always know
the next levels I should go
Perhaps you secretly wish I’d talk to you
the way I used to
like I fear silently
whether you’ll really listen to me
or just give me some more scrutiny
He bares his straight, white teeth for a smile
as he greets me with his shy “Hello”,
while I politely nod as I go.
His dark complexion slightly glistens
under the Jakarta morning sun.
I’m not arrogant
I’ve been adjusted to being alone
solving problems on my own
afraid to be (too) dependent
the moment I start asking
for your assistance
