Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
(Dark Thoughts of The Bullied)
It's more than a vacant space
or lack of expression on one's face
It doesn't contain nothing,
Losing track of time,
does it even exist?
Nothing comes out right,
not...with a lot to miss.
Body on autopilot.
I can never really get rid of you,
can I?
No matter what I do
or how I should often lie
while trying hard not to cry
Call me cruel
but I’ve been fooled
These scars don’t heal overnight
Don’t ask me to pretend I’m alright
I’m silently, patiently waiting
No more sweet smiles
full of toxic and vile
the beauty of your face
a sense of my disgrace
Your once soft, soothing voice
Want to know what safety is?
It’s not how I should be
locked indoors like some jewelry piece
I’m not and that’s a boring analogy
I’m human
A familiar sign
You thought you’d seen the sun
under the gloomy night sky
that you’d break a smile
Yes, he was beautiful,
I miss talking to you
It’s plain simple and true
I understand, we’re both busy
Perhaps this is not the time, I see
No, I’m not going to fret
Oh, you only mean so well
Of course, with the same old lines
Such familiar lies
while saving your own face
is always your best interest
Like a vehicle with a quarter of petrol in your tank
or the last 50 in your bank account
Like a tired athlete after a marathon,
groaning at another round
Like an endless conversation
It's a huge thank you to all of you,
Dearest Elders In The Family,
Peaceful-Loving Cousins too
for having finally seen us through.
First of all,
Will I see you
sometime in the near future?
You sound sure
You keep convincing me
your intention is true
