Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Go ahead and ask me
to write you something happy
as I stare at a page so empty
I can write something trivial
mundane, daily activities
Sometimes your blood runs cold
at the sight before you
You may be bold
spitting out what’s true
Pent-up anger inside
Your ignorance is not my bliss
but what do you care, right?
Not so much you miss
yet alone I must fight
I’ve stopped expecting you
I’d like to call your bluff
after you’ve implied I wasn’t good enough
even after all I’ve done
Everybody’s replacable
at some point, inevitable
There’s still that hailstorm in my heart
The ice is solid
a perfect, although temporary patch
to fill the holes in its walls
I’m feeling cold
We’re not in school anymore
but grown-ups for sure
although some are adults
only by the digits of their age
but with such questionable attitude
brick by brick
layers of cement so thick
a real concrete
typically grey, so bland
to ward off the creeps
No signs of warning.
Everything was fine.
A face smiling,
sincere and kind.
A picture-perfect romance,
Someday,
when I’m back on my feet again
I’ll remember all you said
and how much you’d been a pain
I’ll remember what you put me through
Be grateful that I’ve kept quiet
as you blab to every pair of ear
who probably refuse to hear
your sob stories
your endless miseries
Against my will
I caught your presence
Time stood still
breeding a new conscience
That is one question
you may never have the guts
to say out loud
here, right to my face.
You can’t fool me with your expressions.