Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Like a vehicle with a quarter of petrol in your tank
or the last 50 in your bank account
Like a tired athlete after a marathon,
groaning at another round
Like an endless conversation
Don’t insult yourself
by comparing you with a cat
that cannot resist
the sight of a fresh fish
right in front of it.
It’s not that you still mean to me
This is for a precaution only
to all the ladies
whom you haven’t fooled to please
you and only you
in the name of your ‘needs’
Call me cruel
but I’ve been fooled
These scars don’t heal overnight
Don’t ask me to pretend I’m alright
I’m silently, patiently waiting
Love is weird
Sometimes it ignites my fear
Maybe it’s often mistaken
confused with a sad obsession
You think he’s the one
He bares his straight, white teeth for a smile
as he greets me with his shy “Hello”,
while I politely nod as I go.
His dark complexion slightly glistens
under the Jakarta morning sun.
The dawn isn’t close enough,
yet I am jolted awake
from a dream that felt
like a time machine,
throwing me back to the past, so mean.
I try not to experience
your loss and sadness
as everyone moved on,
or away, not staying long.
Too many statements
The world is growing older
I still keep coming back for more
every year, as a reminder
hopefully, to turn you better
How have you been?
They say falling in love is like this:
You think of them and cannot breathe
A day without them, what you’d rather miss
Love and longing, what you continue to bleed
They say heartache means to suffocate
What did that elephant ever do to you?
You’re no human,
such a horrible monster(s),
feeding her with a pineapple,
filled with active firecrackers.
I’m just a number,
not a person,
at least according to them.
If I die as the only one,
then it doesn’t matter.
I’m just a dot in their statistics.