Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Being the first in line
doesn’t mean it’s always fine
You’re not always the priority
left to just wait and see
I’m not bitter
Those sweet words
are sacred
easier said
than done
even when you’ve promised
that you’ll always be around
Another episode
an inner push to an automatic mode
a buzzing chainsaw in my ears
My vision wasn’t crystal-clear
It was the same old alien
Didn’t you hear me say ‘no’?
When you first asked me
to do what you wanted me to
and become whom you thought I should be,
I even declined politely
Backstabbers are such cowards
They spread lies
but they can’t harm this already broken heart
and I’ve got no more tears left to cry
Say it to my face
I need to be brave
to show you these feelings I have
For too long I’ve been imprisoned
by my own creation of silence
I’ve been too scared
Want to know what safety is?
It’s not how I should be
locked indoors like some jewelry piece
I’m not and that’s a boring analogy
I’m human
She's been dismissed
belittled
considered a freak and overly sensitive
'though she believes
something's got to give
Are you coming home tonight?
I’m waiting for you
I’d rather stay up
because your phone cannot be reached through
Where are you now?
I can write
about all the things
I find alright
I’ll let you think
this is about you
It’s the environment
I’d rather not be in
full of such impossible demands
and scolding remarks
for my lack of perfection
I try not to experience
your loss and sadness
as everyone moved on,
or away, not staying long.
Too many statements
