Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
Hey.
It’s the new me.
This time, no mercy.
I’ve had enough, you see?
Brand new armour
Hello, stranger
I love your smile
like you do my poetry
but why look so troubled?
I was just expressing my vile
I met a monster
who said all the right words
sweet and convincing
making me believe
we had something
I've been transported back in time
something familiar
yet also bizarre
the same old Twilight Zone
with the same old Culture of Silence
Perhaps you secretly wish I’d talk to you
the way I used to
like I fear silently
whether you’ll really listen to me
or just give me some more scrutiny
There’s still that hailstorm in my heart
The ice is solid
a perfect, although temporary patch
to fill the holes in its walls
I’m feeling cold
Mommy, I'm scared
We've talked about this before
briefly, but I was still being straight
to the point that worries you more
Mommy, I'm still scared
Didn’t you hear me say ‘no’?
When you first asked me
to do what you wanted me to
and become whom you thought I should be,
I even declined politely
She hates to love in silence
like doing the solo dance
It's just her and her own shadow
another lonely day and night to go
Oh, how to tell you so?
I’d like to call your bluff
after you’ve implied I wasn’t good enough
even after all I’ve done
Everybody’s replacable
at some point, inevitable
How do you know you’re not missed?
Try to walk away and disappear
Who’s going to reach out to you?
Seriously, who?
You’re probably offended
You will know that I love you
even when I don’t say it
not even out loud
or even when I’m still way too proud
That fact, I have to admit
I still own it