Ruby - Astari Boedikoentjara
brick by brick
layers of cement so thick
a real concrete
typically grey, so bland
to ward off the creeps
You demand
to be the centre of your lover’s attention
as if she’s not allowed a life of her own
It’s the double standard
of the one feeling more entitled
Someday,
when I’m back on my feet again
I’ll remember all you said
and how much you’d been a pain
I’ll remember what you put me through
Want to know what safety is?
It’s not how I should be
locked indoors like some jewelry piece
I’m not and that’s a boring analogy
I’m human
Love is weird
Sometimes it ignites my fear
Maybe it’s often mistaken
confused with a sad obsession
You think he’s the one
Run, run away
You, with no shame
Never return, not a day
I’ll remember your name
with sickness in me
I’m not looking for romance
I don’t even want to dance
still unsure with you,
‘though you seem honest and true
I don’t know
I read your sweet words on the screen
enough what I’ve seen
I bet you wish you were there
right where she’s always been
She’s had her head in the clouds
Are you ready
to be what you’ve always wanted
like dreams inside your head
instead of nightmares causing dread?
I sometimes fall asleep
and find myself there again
back to the same quiet streets
and my two best friends
I miss those peaceful streets
I think I’ve run out of sedatives
just to numb the pain within.
I know, they can be addictive,
but I can’t deal with my feelings.
These days, they can be overwhelming.
You use your bitter past
to ensure their hopes won’t last.
“Be realistic,”
that’s what you always say
making sure your message sticks.
